After the treatment finishes then what? (Dr Peter Harvey)
19 Getting back into the ‘ordinary’ world
Most people think that cancer is like other illnesses - once treatment is completed, the disease is cured and then you are 'better'.
As you know only too well, the situation with cancer is infinitely more complicated than this simplistic analysis. However, how you manage the transition back into an ordinary world from the extraordinary one of diagnosis and treatment is not at all straightforward.
It is important that you do not allow yourself to think or feel that you ‘ought’ to be back to your old self immediately that you leave clinic after your last treatment. Apart from the need to recuperate and convalesce, the old self may well have changed and the idea of ‘getting back to normal’ may not be achievable (see Getting back to normal). There may be some specific issues that confront you in this process.
One is about identity (see also Survivor - what’s in a name?). It’s all very well for people to say you have to put it all behind you when they still see you as somone who had cancer. As far as they are concerned, cancer is still a part of the way they see you however hard you want to be rid of it. There is an understandable tension - you may wish to be treated with some sympathy and understanding for what you have been through but you do not always want to be seen simply as that person who had cancer.
As with so many of the issues dealt with here there is no one simple answer and, again as with other issues, it’s about balancing a tension. One of the things that you can decide on is just how much (or how little) you want to talk about your illness and its treatment.
One of the problems that some people report is that they are met by a wall of silence when they may want to talk about their illness but people around them clam up - and sometimes stop you from saying what you want to say by reverting to the ‘putting-it-all-behind-you’ ploy.
Alternatively, people may feel they have some kind of right to know how you are and your life can become much more public than it was before. But you have a right to keep your life private (see also Protecting your Privacy in the section on Coping) . Sometimes it can help to distract people onto other topics to refocus their attention.
There will be times when you need to talk things through and there will be times when you don’t - it really is in your control to decide this. But you may have to be quite assertive in managing this and this may not be easy for some of you.
The Cancer Counselling Trust has now closed.
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