After the treatment finishes then what? (Dr Peter Harvey)
16 Why don’t I feel happier?
There are two sets of feelings that commonly arise at the time of treatment finishing which need to be talked about.
The first of these is a sense of abandonment. This makes sense. After all, for many weeks - if not months - you will have been cared for by a large number of people, all of whom have your welfare and well-being at heart.
You may have met other patients and relatives with whom you have been able to swap stories and get powerful support from someone who really understands. There has always been someone there to check out that little niggling pain or troublesome symptom. There has been a routine, a structure for you to trust in. Then all of a sudden, it goes.
One patient described it like this: 'I got the impression of being balanced on a plank somewhere high up and with nothing to grab hold of. I felt as if I were about to fall off into some abyss.'
Such feelings of aloneness and abandonment are not in any way a criticism of the people who have been caring for you. It is simply a reflection of the fact that they now have to focus on those who are starting out on the process that you have completed.
The second set of feelings that some people experience is a sense of disappointment that they don't feel more joy and happiness at the end of treatment, but rather a sense of let down, anticlimax almost. This can be in marked contrast to what they might have expected. How is it that hoped-for happiness does not arise?
There are a number of plausible explanations. One of these is that it hasn't actually finished as you may still be experiencing the effects of treatment even though its delivery is complete. You may also be still visiting clinic for check-ups so you are never really free of reminders of what you have been though. And there is the uncertainty and sense of threat that may continue well beyond the actual end of treatment (see Dealing with uncertainty).
There is also the fact that you may be completely de-energised - plain exhausted - which does not leave much spare capacity for unrestrained ecstasy (see Dealing with fatigue).
In addition, you will have been looking forward to the absence of something unpleasant rather than the eager anticipation of the arrival of something pleasant. So perhaps it’s not such a surprise that that there is lack of elation as treatment finishes.
The Cancer Counselling Trust has now closed.
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